she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
