So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
