I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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