White coat. Heels.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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