I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize