Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
