What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!