Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer

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  (248): In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer http://tfl.nu/p97m
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (1066)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.

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  (856): I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good. http://tfl.nu/o2i1
  Replies (13) Good night (1292) Bad night (3485)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  guess who has a date tonight

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed

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  (207): guess who has a date tonight (401): look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed http://tfl.nu/0667
  Replies (25) Good night (7046) Bad night (1073)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse

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  (404): On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse http://tfl.nu/4mlr
  Replies (3) Good night (2998) Bad night (904)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"

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  (206): it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting" http://tfl.nu/ix3k
  Replies (8) Good night (3165) Bad night (1072)
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  (909): View more from California

  He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.

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  (909): He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult. http://tfl.nu/s4nn
  Replies (8) Good night (2887) Bad night (933)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.

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  (732): She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot. http://tfl.nu/el8s
  Replies (6) Good night (2352) Bad night (655)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.

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  (917): Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am. http://tfl.nu/94x6
  Replies (2) Good night (1455) Bad night (656)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.

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  (417): Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny. http://tfl.nu/ihx0
  Replies (2) Good night (1343) Bad night (325)
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  (559): View more from California

  so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"

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  (559): so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?" http://tfl.nu/cy8a
  Replies (5) Good night (1227) Bad night (364)
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  (805): View more from California

  Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"

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  (805): Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out" http://tfl.nu/3yx5
  Replies (7) Good night (579) Bad night (1056)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"

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  (919): you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches" http://tfl.nu/j1kh
  Replies (2) Good night (839) Bad night (364)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"

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  (248): I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring" http://tfl.nu/0ibn
  Replies (3) Good night (735) Bad night (251)
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  (716): View more from New York

  We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club

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  (716): We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club http://tfl.nu/652n
  Replies (4) Good night (400) Bad night (238)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.

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  (608): So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall. http://tfl.nu/mrfj
  Replies (0) Good night (514) Bad night (371)

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