Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
