I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
