Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How drunk are you??
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?