jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.