i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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