sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
