Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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