Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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