This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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