Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
