A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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