my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
