oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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