I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
