I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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