And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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