Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
