she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
its liver damage thursday
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
