if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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