That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
