i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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