Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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