I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
