Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
