I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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