Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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