first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
