i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
