it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
