I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
