Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
