I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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