sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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