defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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