i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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