drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize