Im at strip club and am horny
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
