She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
