Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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