Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
