I'm eating all of the evidence.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
