Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
