Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
