Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You are a genius and a whore.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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