Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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