this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
