i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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