His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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