put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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