so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
