It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
