I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
