Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
