i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
