i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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