so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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