I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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