I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
