You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
