She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
