I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
