so that wasnt chicken after all
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
