Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
